Hormones or a Moment of Insanity?

I hate when I come to the realization of my wrong-doing on the other side of a situation. What I mean is, I always realize the thing I should have done once it’s too late. For example, after hearing my 3 and 5-year-old argue non-stop all morning and after I scream my head off at them and send them to their rooms with a quick swat on their butts, it is THEN that I realize my reaction was absolutely inappropriate and undeniably ineffective. Dang it!!

Do you ever get in a situation where you feel like you could just scream, or cry, or punch something or somebody (I promise I don’t abuse my children)? In the heat of the moment, you feel almost out of control. You break a sweat, and the overwhelming desire to jump in your car and drive off is almost too hard to resist. Please tell me I am not alone, here.

I just recently had this happen to me. I found myself, after I completely blew my response to my children, having to talk myself through my rage. I was saying things like, “These are just feelings. They will soon pass and you will be back to normal.” OR here’s one I use often, “It’s just hormones. Hormones. Do you hear me? Only hormones!” And no matter what I say to myself to ease the guilt I feel, I still find myself on the wrong side of the situation with the all-too-late correct response.

This is where the enemy likes to get me. By the end of the day, he will have me convinced that I am a worthless mother, and I am just wasting my time being a stay-at-home mom to my children. Anybody out there feelin’ me, here? What is it with thinking we can find our self-worth in the methods we use as mothers? If this isn’t the bull’s eye area in every mother’s mind, then I don’t know what is. All too often, I find myself having to fall upon my knees in the presence of the Lord asking His forgiveness and begging for another chance. For you see, another area where the devil likes to get me is convincing me that I don’t deserve my children and each time I mess up with them, I just increase the probability of the Lord taking them away from me. I know…reading it as I type it out sounds and even looks completely irrational. But y’all, this is where my mind goes, and I need to know if I’m alone out here struggling with this. I have a strong inclination that I’m not.

You know what’s really fun? Telling the Lord your fears and doubts and then getting permission from Him to yell at the devil. (Truth be told, you really don't need permission for this. It just adds to the experience.) This has been a great way to get my frustration out. I yell things like - I hate you, devil. You are not welcome in my home. In Jesus’ name, flee! Your tactics don’t work. Jesus wins. You lose. Na nanny boo boo. It’s really liberating. You should give it a try. I promise it works.

On a more serious note, after becoming a mother, I realized the importance and significance behind memorizing Scripture. I hate that I didn’t come to this realization until I became a mom. I often wonder how many battles I could’ve won being equipped and guarded with God’s Word. But none-the-less, I made it. And I totally get it now. So, that’s where you come in. (And let me say thank you for taking this not-so-short ride on the Crazy Train with me.) I want you to know that as women, we are going through life struggling…barely hanging on. And the very thing we need to survive is right there in front of us. Just like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, we are walking down our yellow brick roads not even knowing that the one thing we need has been on our feet the entire time – the ruby red slippers.

Now, I am a total shoe nut. So, if you take this analogy literally, you have my full support to go out and buy you some pretty red shoes.

BUT also know that the strongest weapon available to combat the battles that come with life is right there in front of you. Take advantage of it. Get in the Word. Memorize some “Holy Scrip’s” and see what happens. You won’t nail it each time, but at least your heart will be protected. And you’ll be surprised at how, with the Lord’s help, you start kicking satan’s butt.

Since my ordeal with my kids, I have calmed down. I do feel much better. I have some repenting to do and I’m probably gonna have to ask my kids’ forgiveness. I hate when I mess up, but thank God for His grace. Wish I had a really good excuse for my behavior. So, I leave you with this. Hormones? Or a moment of insanity? Unfortunately, that is the question.